Emotional and psychological abuse is now recognised as a form of domestic abuse. As discussed previously, this is a secretive form of abuse, there are no bruises, broken bones or scars only the internal damage to the victim. There are many crucial issues to take on board here. What are the actual figures for emotional abuse, classified as domestic abuse? What can be done to stop the suffering? What type of person knowingly mistreats people they care about? And why do people stay in abusive relationships.
Why do some people use emotional coercion and manipulation to control their loved ones? Anyone can say something unkind or mean, any person can take out their frustrations of a bad day onto their loved ones. But what separates these actions from those of an emotional abuser is that is continual and used to control and coerce you, there is always a feeling of dread, you question what you do continually, you are mindful of your words, even in the manner of how you say your words because of the fear of the consequences. A reasonable person takes responsibility for their actions, unreasonable people do not. They do not feel they are ever wrong, do not need to apologise for their actions, they do not feel guilt or remorse for anything they have done. People who continually take no responsibility, who show no remorse or guilt are highly likely to have suffered some emotional trauma as a child or possibly suffer from a type of personality disorder such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD). In my experience with my ex, I strongly feel he has traits of both. The ability to go from placid to extreme rage in seconds is not normal behaviour; an altered sense of reality is another sign of a personality disorder as well as the denial of responsibility and accountability. Even to this day my ex will tell people, including our children that my dad is the reason for our break up, that is a lie, but a good example here of deferred responsibility. His behaviour is the reason I chose to end the relationship, not my dad’s. The absence of guilt and remorse is also another red flag to these types of personality disorders, they do not feel like they have done any wrong, they will place blame on the victim, or use any other factor to bypass the blame away from themselves. Narcissistic personality types feel a sense of authority, they are highly arrogant and full of self-importance, and they lack empathy for the needs and feelings of others. Narcissists use manipulation to get their own way; they use guilt as a punishment. On Instagram today there were 108,331 posts with the #narcissiticabuse, 447, 276 posts containing #narcissist. The numbers are just phenomenal, highlighting the frequency of the abuse that happens everyday to everyday people like me and you. I never would have believed I would be a victim of abuse, as a teenager I was strong willed and feisty, stood up for myself. There was always a sense of this happens to other people, it won’t happen to me. I was overwhelmed when I first started researching narcissistic personality disorder and reading stories of other people’s experiences, it was relatable to my own experience. Including the stages of recovery, I understand that the road to recovery is going to be a bumpy ride, an emotional roller coaster. I think I have been through every extreme emotion; I’m hanging in there taking each day a step at a time. If you are going through a recovery from emotional abuse then share your story here at Livingfree, your story may be the light that inspires others in a similar situation to move forward and Live Free.
Thank you for reading xxx